2010-09-16

johnny, johnny


Dad : Johnny, did you see those cookies?
Johnny : I did not steal it. How dare you accuse me of stealing it? What do you think of blah blah blah..

2010-09-05

Now, this is QUITE a story :)

So, there was this girl who 'apparently' saw me talk gibberish on some stage, in some college, and wanted to be an 'academic acquaintance (AA)'. She calls a friend of a friend whom she has never met, gives my description and asks to locate my contacts. This friend of a friend, in whose college I had spoken, contacts someone in my college, gets my contact and passes it on to her.

Now, I absolutely love paper-presentation events that happen in Engineering colleges, BTW. Its super fun to drill the presenters with questions. Coz, most of the time, they have zero idea on what they are talking about. And, I dont need an invite to go sit in a paper-presentation event. I am a shameless geek you see :P I have sat in random events, in random colleges, questioning random people, just because I saw a huge ass 'symposium happening here' sign/banner on the road :P

One fine evening, the AA wannabe calls and starts with "Guess who this is. I am the one you drilled with questions on blah-blah-blah paper presentation occasion blah-blah-blah.. I have been wanting to meet some cool guys like you so that I can learn something". You see, I was (and am) this NICE guy who does not know how to say 'fck off'. So, I talk. She claimed involvement in 'defense projects' but failed to prove knowledge equivalent to a freshman. Heck, she did not even know that 'E=mc squared' is Einstein's equation. I was not impressed. But, me being the nice guy, did not say 'fck off'. AA wannabe successfully established herself as an AA.

Years rolled. AA announces that she got a job in madras, and that she wants to meet up. Now, I have never seen her. And, her dumbness was so prominent that I did not even want to see her. I pulled up reasons and kept delaying. But one fine day, I had no other go but to say yes. I was like.. 'alright.. just one coffee. Thats not gonna hurt'. A week later, AA calls and screams at me that I did not wish her on her birthday. I was like, DUH!. Then the pestering to meet up started again.

The second time was heights. Now, she is not 'not beautiful'.. she is outright UGLY. She had this artificial walk, inch thick make-up, some jing-chak dress, fake accent, bad grammar, bad pronunciation, etc etc. She claimed she was being begged to accept the next 'miss universe' title. She claimed that she was getting tonnes of movie opportunities. She was explaining to me how she was a celebrity in the making.

At this juncture, I decided enough is enough and stopped taking her calls. There were days with 10+ missed calls. On one such day, my then girl-friend gave me this brilliant idea of taking the call and saying "I am out with my girl-friend". That actually worked. She just stopped calling. I was like WOOHOO :) A couple of months went by, and then she called from a different number. This time, she made a huge statement. She was like, "You made a mistake Joe, you lost the opportunity you had. You'll never get an opportunity like this ever in your life. You'll see me climb heights beyond your imagination, and will think of this day. You will feel bad that you ditched me. You will feel bad and beg for me to come back, but I wont. I will watch you beg. blah blah blah".. I was like, "WHAAA? Go see a shrink" and hung up. That was the last bit.

Today, more than three years later.. I noticed someone from my friends list on Facebook comment on someone else's comment/wall-post/pic/*. The 'someone else's name happened to be 'AA's. I looked up, and indeed it was her. What a small world :P So, what has she become? She has become an uglier self-proclaimed celebrity, beauty-queen, technocrat, activist, what-not :P. She has become four times her size and looks like a rolling ball. She calls herself a 'model' coz she paid someone to make a portfolio. She is an actress because she attends crappy award functions that dont require an invite. She is a 'party animal' coz she has had an alcoholic drink for the third time in her life. She is a celebrity because she runs her own website with pictures she put up. She was partially right, about me remembering that day she made her 'statement' :P, though for all the wrong reasons. So, this is what she meant by 'climb heights' :P

Holy God, you know that I dont believe in your existence. But but please, for the sake of idiots like this, please do exist.

Edit-1: Forgot the disclaimer. "Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental". This is just a story :P