I wish I could go back and change those choices I made, that are making you cry today. Maybe we'd have lost some smiles. But we would have saved a lot of tears.


.. yes, i'm still alive :)

Sad that I have to keep asserting to myself every once in a while that I _AM_ indeed still alive. Work is showing no mercy. Nor are the clients. Well, and here comes christmas. Its like I just saw 2009 come in, and its already gonna be over. Shyte. Still in square-one.. fighting for the bread and butter.. and the whisky :P

Lil sis was super sweet and got me new clothes and all, and in return I did some window shopping with her.. :P Was quite annoyed about how december is hyped up with christmas. Every bloody shop playing 'jingle bells' with christmas trees all around. I'm super fed up seeing this over and over, year after year. And, oh the all so 'enthu-pattani' santa clauses hanging around every where, jumping on people at the first opportunity. They have a knack for finding the wrong people. Maybe its just me. Coz, no one else seems so annoyed :-S

Window shopping was not bad actually. Atleast there were enough pretty women to checkout :P, and did not have to join the bored husband/boy-friend club that was having its own small party at the coffee shop in Lifestyle. A visit to the toy's section made me realize how much I've missed out in life. Kids these days get to have 'rocket launchers', 'rc planes', .. shyte.

Its funny how people come dressed up to a sandwich joint.. subway, like it was some fine dining restaurant. It definitely was good fun shocking them by walking in in running shorts, dripping in sweat :)


drowning in work

Everything is neatly laid out when I get back to the room. The laundry is taken care of. Fresh towels and sheets every day. Food is delivered right in the room. I dont have to wash the dishes after dinner, nor do I have to pay for it. I even have a ride at my disposal.. to wherever, whenever. Definitely is paradise, aint it? Wrong. This is one dead place and it is getting into my head. Somehow this whole thing seems like a conspiracy to keep me working all the time :-/

I miss the ride to office and back. I miss the thrice-a-week detour to the beach. I miss fixing myself breakfast. I miss feeding the cat. I miss _my_ life. Shyte.

This hotel room is driving me mad. Want to get back. Real real bad. :-/


Dumbest fucking read of the day.

It was quite a tiring day today. After going through a 600+ page document and preparing a cost estimate, which I am not quite sure is gonna get through, I was really not in the mood for anything. And, then this piece of junk falls 'plonk' in front of me.



Now did that shit make me smile? No. It like threw me off the chair and got me rolling over crying in laughter. I have seen 'idiots'. I have seen 'fools'. I have seen 'morons'. I have seen 'religious dumb fucks'. But no, I have not seen 'dumb fucking idiotic moronic religious fools'. Sorry for all the profanity. But, you just made my day boy. Totally.

Now now, lets get a bit serious. Whether the number 666 is indeed the 'Number of the Beast', is questionable. Apparently you have a '616' which is also considered as the 'Number of the Beast'. Now, I know you'll argue that since the 'holy fcking book' says that 666 is the 'Number of the Beast', it is so. I also know for a fact that you dont even want to know that the silly 'holy fcking book' you swear by is the blabber of some random drunk/smoked-up rabbi.

I am dumbfolded by the hypocrisy of you morons. On one side you preach against numerology and other occult practices. And, on the other you believe so strongly on the same. If you got to believe the 'holy fcking book' by the word, then well, Jesus made barrels of wine at Cana so that all the folks there can drink and be merry. And, well.. dont give me that shit about Jesus's wine not being alcohol. Best of all, Jesus did not mention a single word about abortion or pre-marital sex. So, please shut the fuck up and stop trying to feed me your crap.



Breathe in. Breathe out. Sigh! Dusty mess of a room in a stinky city. Feels like home baby. :) After 35 days in a hotel room costing a 6 digit bill to the client, a milestone delivery. I finally can see a paycheque in the horizon. Phew..

Cannot sit back for too long. Another promised delivery is coming up in another two weeks. But for now, I am home :) Sure does feel good. :)


earning the beer

Got this nice fun packed weekend coming up. But work aint letting me go that easy. Shyte. Got to meet this deadline if I want to down beer peacefully from early tomorrow morning. Hmm. I see 7 bugs and 13 features, amounting to a tree of 27 pending tasks. Got another 15hrs to go. I can already see my beer.

Hey KF.. here I come. :)

the run

And then I totally surprise myself with a full 11.2km in 61min 31secs. The walk back home was the weirdest feeling. Legs were worked out beyond pain, and felt like i was floating :P


the runaway

I have been having this craving to take my bike and just leave on a long trip to somewhere. Somewhere far. All by myself. To let my head get some perspective. I tossed the coin atleast a dozen times since this morning, whether today is the day. No, not today. Work is hard on my back. There is a lot to do. Cannot afford to do this now. Just not now. Got to wait.


LOL. Its funny the way you think that I actually fell for you.

Your cheap perfume makes me pukish. That thick lipstick, just makes me go yuck. I simply cannot stop laughing at the duck walk you put up on those stilettoes that you are not used to. The rattle of your empty brain annoys me.

Let me tell you what. Do yourself a favour, go jump in the lake.



With shit loads of work pending and a bunch of deadlines hanging like knives around my neck, I really should not be getting into this. I am looking at code with a heavy indecisive head that has stopped working. I know this will pass. It always has. But cannot afford to be down now. Just not now.

I did remember to smile at the fresh mug of coffee. Heh.


how i wish this could stop. just stop. all of it.



Where did we come from,
Why are we here?
Where do we go when we die?
What lies beyond
And what lay before?
Is anything certain in life?


back to reality

whoa.. :) been a while since the last post :P in the meanwhile, my bank balance dropped to a two digit. And, thats a bad scene coz, when you can (technically) afford quite a good meal, you still cant get one. ATMs dont let you withdraw a two-digit figure and hotels/shops dont let you swipe for a two digit bill. shite. that was quite a bad scene. But, well things improved. Bank balance was boosted to a five digit. However, not in the way i would have ideally wanted it to. as in, write my own cheque. But, the reason why the bank-balance increased was something I worked for.

Great. So, now that I am not really a pauper, what next? :P Dropped by at my bootlegger's place looking for a 12-year-old chivas. Bootlegger announces that the cost went up by Rs.400 and that a bottle costs 2050 bucks now. I was like what the heck. I did not want to pay so much, inspite of the temptation and starvation. I settled for a simple red-label which was 1400 bucks.. which is still expensive :-S

So, here I am on a saturday eve, at home drinking whisky, in front of a burning candle, reading some arbid junk off the internet, and listening to jethro tull :)

I still love my life ;)


chill winds

The chill wind soothes the burning tarmac,
Let out by a gentle swirl,
Powered by the confidant walk.
For a moment, sultriness turns pleasant,
But then it passes.
And its no more but disappointment.


no i am not dead yet.

Yep, I am very much alive. :)

Just saw my bank balance drop to a three digit mark. Sighed. Smiled. Had a smoke and a coffee watching the night sky. I know rescue is a phone call away. But, I am not giving up yet. Just not yet. I am gonna go through this thing to see how far it can get. Just so that I know I can get there, and still smile.

Getting back to work.


Phew.. Where am I going :-S

So.. been a long time. Again. I know. Damn. But well, it has been quite eventfull I should say. I havent had a paycheque in three months, ever since I took the 'I shall henceforth write my own paycheque' route. Definitely havent lost my hope yet. Inspite of the trauma cause by every digit that drops off my bank balance. Looks like it has not hit me hard enough yet, coz a couple of weeks back I actually had the nerve to pamper myself with a drink at Leather bar.

After skipping the bakarapet hash for two years in a row, I finally made it this time. Thanks to my friends who figured I am going broke and paid for me. It was fun. I came back home bruised all over because of the thorns. And man, did I drink like there was no tomorrow or not :) I needed that break, oh so badly.

Well, my 'recession stock' of whisky got over way before the recession hit India. And, I have been begging around for a gift. I have offered to save them the trouble of finding one by giving them the exact thing I want. However no takers. Sigh. I have started a 'list of things to do when I get my paycheque'. And whisky is on it.. yay.. :)

But life does go on. I am trying to finish up things which I should have delivered two days back. I am still downing coffee like a madman. Keepin tobacco at bay. Making sure I keep my appointments with friends and family. And hoping that things happen the way I hope they do.



And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass
Of what was everything


stop honking fools.

Over 770 fined for honking unnecessarily in Delhi

I wish they do this in chennai also.. :-S