If an Ex is getting married., I know you'd go to show a smiling face to make her feel that she does not matter jack-shit to you anymore. I know you'd go there and be so casual that your frenz think you are cool.. You'll even walk up the podium, shake a hand and congratulate the guy., may be even say 'smart choice' to your ex.. But., deep down inside you., are you really ok? Be true to you., would you be really ok?
Or are you there just out of curiosity to know what she has landed up with? Or are you there to look at her face and see whether she had anything left for you? Or are you there to laugh at her to make her see what she has lost?? Fuck.. the lies we tell ourselves. If you dont go she'll think that you are still hungup and will boost her ego up.. If you do go., you cant help comparing yourself to that guy and you'll be broken hearted.. So., either way you are fucked.
You can go walk around put your head high and act like there is nothing in the world that is pulling you down., that there is nothing to hang your head down in shame.. but deep down inside of you., you know what fcking deep shit you are in. You are lonely., you ask for love., you ask for company.. But still you put a brave face.. heh. What you try to hide, magnified inside you because it is not expressed., it is still there haunting and slowly chewing through you head. Why? Cant you just go on without hiding? Without those people around you getting bothered and start mothering you, pestering with questions you dont want to answer.., you dont want to think about., which you dont want to accept?? Why oh why., should you live in denial every fuckin day.
And wtf am I trying to say.. well., I'm still drunk from yesterday night's whiskey. Need sleep.