"Will you send me an angel"

I'm in one of the lousiest moods possible. I tried the scream-into-the-pillow., counting numbers, beaches, pubs, coffee.. well., its just not working.


Why gawd, Why? Why me?


Patience? Self respect?

Say, you know a person 'X'. X is short tempered. To add to the sorrow., you also like X.

Now., X lands up in some shit. X is pissed and in a bad mood. You dont know the reason why X is pissed. You approach X and get back hate words. You try to understand the situation, give it some time., and again approach X. Still same situation. X does not explain the reason for the behaviour. You are left to speculate. You are being treated like shit. You are humiliated.

Now., two course of actions. 1: Be a sweet person and sit patiently bearing it all until X cools down and then try to get back and help solve the problem. 2: Honor your self respect., show the middle finger to X and get lost.

I know (1) is very sweet. But where do you draw the line?

Do you still sit patient when 34 continuous calls are being ignored and then you find that the phone becomes busy?

Do you still sit patient when X is talking for hours together to someone else., and then when you call immediately after., X says "I'm not pissed off with you. I cant talk now. bye.. ---blank---"?

Do you still sit patient when X is online all day on Instant Messenger, but does not reply to your 100+ messages., and disconnects abruptly everytime?

Do you still sit patient when X says "..why should I even tell you.."., and this is the same X who came crying to your shoulder a few days back for something personal.

And in the end of this fcked up ordeal., the day after., X calls up and talks like yesterday never happened. Like yesterday never existed. And also X puts in., "please dont remind me of anything"., leaving you alone to solve the mystery of why you were treated like shit. Now., you are forced to ask yourself "What do you want to be?". The sweet person who says "come baby., its ok.."??? or respect yourself and say "fuck off.."??? In the first case you are this 'sweet dude' to X, to the world you are a 'desperate ass'. In the second case you are 'hung up bastard' to X, to the world you are a 'man of honour'.

What a world... What a life...



A friend mentioned that purely for fun., and it got me thinking. So when was the last time I was drinking., hmm.. yesterday, then.. day before yesterday, then.. the day before the day before yesterday.. Damn. Maybe I should be asking myself a different question., 'when was the last time I was sober'.. Grr.. I'M NOT AN ALCOHOLIC..

But looks like the gods are favouring me. By some miracle., at some point of time., I stopped having hangovers :) Oh yeah., no matter how trashed i am the previous night., I wake up fresh like a baby :) Now., I know all you people are jealous.. hehehe..


walking in circles

Evenings at baywatch., taking strong over-doses of caffeine and nicotine.

Lying on the beach sand gazing the stars.

Beer at breakpoint., watching people play snooker.

Driving pointlessly on deserted roads in the middle of the night.

Sitting on pavements watching traffic go by.


WTF is wrong with me? am I walking in circles?