Living in office..

I've been living, LITERALLY living., in office for the past three and a half weeks. I sleep here., I eat here., I brush here., I just dont bathe here :-S Too bad. I've been asking my boss to setup a shower here, and he is still smiling/nodding at the idea. And., if I had a locker or something., I could have stacked up some change of clothes too. I have been visiting home once in two or three days just to take a shower and get into fresh clothes. :D

I've not been replying to emails., have forgotten to wish friends on their birthdays., and have been pissing off a whole lot of loved ones. :-S Well., work has been a bit tedious., but still enjoyable :D Anywayz., I'm just waiting for this whole thing to get over so that I can get sloshed :D


Chennai., SUCKS.

Read this.,
"Police flex muscle in pub, take women to station"

So that equates., 'chennai cops' == morons.



Defective by design

No., this is not about the defective by design campaign against DRM. It is the 'defective design' of the human. A human life has so much of sorrow and pain that it has to forget/get-over in its life time. If I were the creator and were to design a 'human life form'., i'd have added the facility of 'selective amnesia' to the human.

Well., I know the philosophical shit about the 'reason of pain' from the angle of various religions. But still., standing in MY shoes as a human, I really cannot understand why such an obvious thing has been missed out.

How many times have you wished that you could simply forget a part of your life., so that the rest of it, as you are living it, is the best it can be? How many times has your past garbage surfaced into your present sweetness and destroyed your happiness? How many times have you been forced to incur pain on people around you because of the stink you failed to cover inside your memory?

Hmm.. If only our brains were like a computer., it would have been so much easier. I'm just a defective-by-design creature by a defective-creator.

EDIT-1: No my life is not screwed. It is the best it can be., at the moment.


Life on wheels..

I feel the wind grazing my face., creating a constant wizz with the engine roar on my ear., deafening the loudest honk at a 10 meter distance. The vision narrowing down to barely a few degrees., and blurring all the world. Every occasional pebble sends a shiver enough to shake a dead man back to life. On the brink of disaster, tasting life the best it can get., cut away from everything I knew., playing this speed game..

At 100kmph., on a bike., on an empty east-coast-road., feeling LIFE. Tell me what it feels like baby.. :D

How fast will it go
Can it get me over her quickly, zero to sixty
Can it outrun her memory
Yeah, what I really need is an open road
And a whole lot of speed


She walked like an angel...

Those doubting stars went hiding.
The seas of enthusiasm raged in happiness.
The chilled breeze spoke her mood.
Her grace she shed on everthing.,
Pushing darkness to oblivion.

Oh she walked like an Angel., into the lonely sky.

A lonely road..

On a lonely road.,
On a lonely drunken night.


She seasoned in time..

With all love and care,
she was caged in her coffin.
While the world rots all around,
she waited to be seasoned.

After a 30 year sleep,
she steps out in beauty,
fills the air with her history,
and breaks on the ice.,
to please her new master.


Story: The attack of the clones :P

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4

Chapter 5:

That drop of sweat which dodged every curve on my face was now at the tip of my nose and was threatening to fall and break the silence. My heart was pounding hard enough to remind me that its still working.

"Do you want a tissue to wipe your sweat dear" Ah I remember that voice, Mrs.Towers., my kindergarden teacher. A sudden rush of comfort fills me and I look up to see my clone looking at me lovingly. But.. Her face changes slowly and I see Mrs.Towers standing there with that broad smile. I took one step closer and she fades into the dark.

"Repent for your sins child. Ask god for forgiveness". Father Gilligan, the headmaster with his ever stern look was looking at me from the corner of the room. I remembered how I used to be scared of that cane he carried. I searched for the cane in his hands, but he was carrying my handbag. I look up again to see myself with that stern look that seemed so familiar.

"Which side is North lady?? Which side"., Mr.Sampath screamed at the top of his voice. The way he tortured me with that stupid compass and map during my guides camps. How he made me dig pits and pick up junk to get a badge so that I may get enough credits to graduate.

Why is everybody here changing to look like me? "This world is maya. What you see, smell, feel is maya" That was the yoga guy Mr.Srinivasa whom my mom pushed me to every weekend. Gawd how I hated his rant. His eerie smile was not helping the situation. But., wait what is he trying to say.

"Srini sir., what is this place. Where are we"

"You know it child. I told you all the time. You never believed."

"What are you talking about?"

"I told you it was all maya.. now you know"

"What? wait dont go away.. waaaiiitttttttttt"

He is gone too. This is maya? Great., that is the last bit I wanted to hear. So., what is all this. Am in some sort of an after world seeing that every person I saw in my life was none but myself? Is that the whole point of this thing?

"No., there is more"

"Praveen... you are here too? Gawd I was getting freaked out"

"No Meg. You are desperate to know what and why. The same way I felt that night when you dumped me."

"Er., nice time for you to pick on me Praveen.."

"Heh.. I have nothing to pick on. Its all yours."

Now what is this jerk talking. Fine., I guess I just have to sit and wait for this God guy to turn up and say that I've sinned quite a bit and I'd have to rot in hell. Heh., God. The puppet man. So., if he did exist, what is he doing up there? Sitting and watching his own puppet show? How jobless is that? And., all that super sci-fi stunt just to show me that he is there?

"God?? Did you just think of god?" That was preethy. No. This time i'm not turning around. What difference is it going to make by turning around and realizing she is none but me. So what? have I been offended by and offending myself in differnt forms all my life? Why this whole game. If every body that I come across is just me, why bother going through the trouble of socializing, understanding, playing along and junk. Why this social fabric.

"Hello., I'm Meg" The hooded guy does not even turn. So., who is this guy now? Will he turn out to be some hunk on the billboard. Heh., i wish.

Finally he talked., "Which part of yourself do you call Meg?" Well., that was a tricky question.

"Fine sir., where are we going?"

"We?? How different am I from you? Is there an I and a You?"

"Alright. I've had enough of this. Where am I going?"


"Where is home?"

"You'll know"


Fine., I'm done. I dont know where I started or where I finished. I just gave the wierdest twist to it. I'm bad at this.. :( Anywayz., Rini, Arvind .. All yours., screw the story even more :)


Yet another drink..

The pretty-woman needed no effort to make every head turn. The ugly-guy was everything that she was not. pretty-woman is looking at him begging attention. ugly-guy is analyzing the next table slutty-woman's ass. pretty-woman sighs, sips her drink and pretends she did not notice.

I nod to the waiter to fill my empty glass.

pretty-woman acts like following a news channel., when the sound is muted behind the blaring music. ugly-guy's eyes were stuck on the slutty-woman's ass and he spills the drink on his shirt. pretty-woman frantically pulls tissues and cleans his collar. ugly-guy turns to look at her. pretty-woman slowly clutches his shirt as she cleans his collar. ugly-guy nods and takes his gaze back to where it was.

I nod a thanks to the waiter and start swirling the glass to chill the whiskey.

slutty-woman walks out. ugly-guy asks the pretty-woman to excuse him for a moment and walks out too. pretty-woman's gaze slowly falls to the floor. pretty-woman pretends to wipe the oil from her face with a tissue and dries the tear that was threatening to fall.

all the world wants you,
but what you want does not.
what is it that you see in him,
that makes you blind to the world around?


And you thought you got me figured out

Excerpt from an email.,

oh my gawd. you are just another idiot who keeps cribbing 'oh she cheated me'.. bah! grow up.

Well., and I took time to go back and read my own posts to see what it would mean to another person from their shoes, and I guess I realize that what this person sees of me from these last dozen posts is just a picture of what I threw at the world to see. Whether it was right for the person to sum me up from these dozen posts is not something i'm going to sit and judge.

YES., I dump all the shit from my head in this blog, maybe because i dont get to dump it anywhere else. However the point is., I dump em all and am happy with my life., so what the hell.

If people are judged by their momentary lapse of reasoning., ignoring what they actually are., so be it. I'll be a loser.

NO., I'm not a guzzler because of she-1 or she-2 or she-3., and also not because of she-1.1 or she-1.2 or she-2.1. Maybe if you liked the taste of beer like the way i do., you'll understand. For ignorant people it is always taboo.

Bloody hell. I want my beer.



Our friend, an american who is travelling in india, was getting desperate that he could not find an auto back to Mahablipuram from near VGP (on ECR) at 1:00 in the morning. After some heavy partying and splashing in the pool, everyone was quite tired. Finally a share-auto gets stopped., and the other indian friend who was accompanying him to find him an auto., talks to the auto-driver in a broken tamil-malayalam mix about the destination. Auto driver takes one look at our passenger, and proposes Rs.600. Our american-friend instantly responds, "600?? You got it. Deal.. lets go.". Our indian-friend has not yet recovered from the shock of the proposal.

Auto driver chucks two passengers in the auto out to accomodate our american guy. Indian-friend finally wakes out of his shock and tries arguing with the auto driver. Auto driver turns to american-friend with one baby face explains about kids education, baby food for his newborn, his weakening eye-sight, bad roads, poor condition of auto, raise in petrol prices, retirment plans, etc.. Our indian-friend is more shocked and rooted to the ground speechless. American-friend says 'go' to the auto-driver. Auto driver silently curses himself that he did not ask for a 1000.

Next day at office everyone hears of this., one minute of eerie silence because of shock., then broke into peals of laughter literally rolling on the floor.


This day., that year...

This day, that year., I surprised her with a cake and watched her eyes moisten in happiness behind the glisten of the candle as she made her wish.

For this day, that year., I travelled in an crowded unreserved compartment, sitting next to the toilet putting up with the stink, to see her smile the next day when i surprised her with a flower on the way to her college.

For this day, that year., I starved to fainting because i spent all the borrowed money in buying gifts and cards to send to her to make up for not being with her on the day.

This day, this year., I stand keeping my head high with all the pseudo male pride that I've got over it and still unable to explain why a tear just rolled down.

... Memories, pressed between the pages of my mind ...


You're Jurassic Park!

by Michael Crichton

You combine all the elements of a mad scientist, a brash philosopher, a humble researcher, and a money-hungry attracter of tourists. With all these features, you could build something monumental or get chased around by your own demons. Probably both, in fact. A movie based on your life would make millions, and spawn at least two sequels thatwouldn't be very good. Be very careful around islands.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Ok., people you heard that.. so., I say a million dollars and i'll sell you my story :P


Oh darling....

One thing I really really hate about broken relationships is the way they screw up your music taste.

I'll remember her lying next to me with a watery eye looking straight into me as i was singing "The Beatles - Oh Darling" to make up for something dumb that I did., every single time I hear that song now. And., just to avoid a couple of hours of frustrated walking arounds., and visits to the coffee shop., I literally run away from that song. :-S It is a very beautiful song. Too bad that such a beautiful song had to get associated with some moment of your life which you desperately want to bury deep below. Same with "Aerosmith - Armageddon OST"., and same with "Evanscene - My imortal"

Women not just screw up your head and put you in a confused state., they also screw up your music taste.. Damn. :P


Oh!.. they sooooo love me..

It was a another beautiful day. I was fresh in the morning inspite of previous night's heavy partying. Woke up right in time to drop my sis at the bus-stop. Pleased my mom by having breakfast at home. Hmm., and then I decided to get to office a little early. Got into my dust/sun/chennai-scum protection gear and was at Villivakkam railway gate. The gate was closed. As every other day., I used the gap on the side of the gate to drive across. Once on the other side., one cop in plain clothes stopped me. He was like "Arivu illa?? padichikira illa?? Train vantha sethu poiduvae..(Dont you have any brains? You are educated right? If the train comes you'll die)". I was like 'aw.. gawd what is this guy's problem'.

Then the guy said I'd have to come with him to the police station and see the inspector. Offence being crossing the railway-gate when it was closed. :-S At the police station I figured I've been arrested., and kept in custody with some more people who were caught. One cop there was very eager to discuss how they, the railway police are completely different from the normal police., and that they dont have something called spot fine. Then a another was proudly explain the procedure of how the offenders (us) have been arrested, and will be produced in court and be judged. All this while I'm still gaping in wonder. Mad ass., I did not steal/kill somebody for christ sakes. Damn it.

Finally I had no choice., there were not gonna let me go. Grr.. So., called my colleague who came over and saved my ass by arranging some money for the fine (I'm broke btw. :P I had zilch on me).

Hmm., of the entire ordeal., the court was the most entertaining. I've been having this crazy fancy for courts and soooo badly wanted to see one. Finally got to see one. :) It was quite funny :) Too bad I did not get much to say :-S All I got to say was "Yes m'am i did" when they pronounced the charges., and "Thanks m'am" when she fined me. Grr..

I was caught at 10:45. When the whole thing was over., it was 16:15. It was like one full day wasted. :( Finally when i step into office., there is peals of laughter. Hmm.. it always happens to me doesnt it. I have to get in trouble with the cops every once in a while., grrr..

Heh., they love me.. absolutely..

EDIT1: Forgot to mention. After the whole thing., I had to cheer myself. So., well.. it was beer time baby :)

EDIT2: Aw., and after the judgement when I came out. The cops gave me an option. I either stay back till 18:00, pay the fine myself, show the reciept at the police station and then clear my bike., or give them the fine-amount and 30 bucks extra to do the job themselves. :-S


unanswered questions..

You are broken. Deliberately. When reasoned you dont get one. When you ask., you are denied. And then those low days of jumping around high in alcohol or grass. Then a resolve to cheer up. A dozen walks up and down the beach trying hard to enjoy the water washing your feet. In the end of it., have you got over it? Or have your buried it? Does buried it means got over it? If buried it does mean got over it., then why the fck am I walking around with a frown, looking at the mirror staring at myself, clinching my fist, feeling desperate to run away from this world.

We all dig our pits., we throw all our garbage in., and bury them safely. Then one fine day., something has to happen and all your garbage gets dug up (thanks to the half-high state after too few drinks)., and you sit there in the stink, confused out of your head whether you call or not. Whether you message or not. Whether you mail or not.


When everyone around you is smiling. When you are so surrounded but still alone. When you see yourself standing there with no one next to you. Do you still feel like you've got over it? With that pang in your heart that no matter how much you run., the truth is still there for you to face., do you still think you are over it?

Life is a bitch.


Moments #2

my phone rings., and I take the call..

Caller: Good morning sir, I'm calling from Aircell customer service.. blah.. blah..

Me: Ok.,

Caller: Sir., you are on this prepaid blah.. blah...

Me: Yeah.

Caller: Sir., we have this kick ass postpaid offer which will... blah.. blah... lesser bills, more value for your money., blah.. blah..

Me: Hmm...

Caller: If you are interested I'll immediately send a person over to your place.

Me: No sorry., I'm not interested. I'm comfortable with my current plan.

Caller: If you change your mind will you please call me or give me a message., because this thing has some credits kinda.. blah.. blah..

Me: Yeah ok., if i change my mind i'll call you..

Caller: thanks a lot sir.. then whatelse sir.,

[She was actually waiting for a reply...]

Moments #1

I was sitting at Coffee Day Annanagar (I give one third of my salary to them) on a bad-business morning, reading 'dilbert' and sipping a mug of coffee. The place was empty but for two people including me. I was enjoying that book in front of me and smiling ear to ear. This other chap was in a table next to mine. He noticed the 'dilbert comic book'., and tried to make conversation.

Him: Hi., I've heard ppl talk about this dilbert thingy., what is so funny about it..

Me: Oh! it is about these retarded management people., about how they make a complete fool of themselves in technology firms... It is hilarious.. You should read it..

[Eeerie silence follows.... both of us staring at each other., me expecting him to say something., and his lips tightly zipped up..]

Him: Well., I'm a management person in a software firm.

[I'm dumbstruck... He nods goodbye and leaves..]

Disclaimer: I have nothing personal against management people., I was referring to the guys in the comic strip..


Life is a bitch..

I saw it hurt., and bleeding. It was yelping in pain., it was alone and desolate. I took pity and washed it. I nursed it. I burnt my midnight oil to watch over it heal. I broke away commitments to make time to be there when it wanted me. And., I made it a point to be there when it needed me. I made it laugh and run around in joy. I realized slowly that I needed it too. I loved it. It was the company I wanted in my lonely life. I smiled at myself that I have atlast found my company. But then one day it bit me. It bit my heart., and left me to bleed and cry., to beg for mercy., to beg for help. It made me realize that I was better before it came. And., i'm more helpless than what it was when I saw it first.

What a bitch.


Ok people., I'm not down.

To all you people who dont comment., but ask questions over email: well., I was there and through it. And am DONE. Well., yeah.. the phone thing did break my heart and i looked up at the heavens and screamed., but I definitely did not sing a song.


Yesterday turned out to be an unexpected long night. (huh!! when did it ever happen expected). Started with beer, then more beer, then more beer and some whiskey :) Well., um.. the occassion happened to be the ripping off a friend of his stinking fridge and setting it up as a small bar in the office. :) Yesterday evening it was full., now its empty. :)

In the middle of this alcohol mayhem., some one calls after more than a month. Ah excuses., excuses. heh.. gawd., I hate excuses. This significant caller reminded me of those old days when I was back in college. The days when I was this hopeless romantic, dreaming with one small picture of my gf (yeah loser.. me..)., waiting for the postman for the once in two days letter (er.. email was difficult. logistics problems.. dont ask)., waiting on the road to get a glimpse of her when her dad drops her at college., etc..

I was thinking, whether I would whole-heartedly and spontaneously be the same person I was., to another woman., ever again? Or whether that 'love is bliss' types hopeless romatic thing was just a phase. And if I'm not able to give that 'hopeless romantic' type of a relationship to this woman with whom i'll eventually end up with., would I be an assole? The more of this broken-hearted-endings shit., the more I find myself skeptic and thinking. What if one day I become this paranoid fcker., scared to let anybody into my head because I'm scared of the consequences.

Arghh.. why did i get sober.



I stand in the hallway
She stands in the hall
I stand at the doorway
She stands at the door
I lean in the window
She leans on the wind
I wait for beginnings
She waits for the end


"Will you send me an angel"

I'm in one of the lousiest moods possible. I tried the scream-into-the-pillow., counting numbers, beaches, pubs, coffee.. well., its just not working.


Why gawd, Why? Why me?


Patience? Self respect?

Say, you know a person 'X'. X is short tempered. To add to the sorrow., you also like X.

Now., X lands up in some shit. X is pissed and in a bad mood. You dont know the reason why X is pissed. You approach X and get back hate words. You try to understand the situation, give it some time., and again approach X. Still same situation. X does not explain the reason for the behaviour. You are left to speculate. You are being treated like shit. You are humiliated.

Now., two course of actions. 1: Be a sweet person and sit patiently bearing it all until X cools down and then try to get back and help solve the problem. 2: Honor your self respect., show the middle finger to X and get lost.

I know (1) is very sweet. But where do you draw the line?

Do you still sit patient when 34 continuous calls are being ignored and then you find that the phone becomes busy?

Do you still sit patient when X is talking for hours together to someone else., and then when you call immediately after., X says "I'm not pissed off with you. I cant talk now. bye.. ---blank---"?

Do you still sit patient when X is online all day on Instant Messenger, but does not reply to your 100+ messages., and disconnects abruptly everytime?

Do you still sit patient when X says "..why should I even tell you.."., and this is the same X who came crying to your shoulder a few days back for something personal.

And in the end of this fcked up ordeal., the day after., X calls up and talks like yesterday never happened. Like yesterday never existed. And also X puts in., "please dont remind me of anything"., leaving you alone to solve the mystery of why you were treated like shit. Now., you are forced to ask yourself "What do you want to be?". The sweet person who says "come baby., its ok.."??? or respect yourself and say "fuck off.."??? In the first case you are this 'sweet dude' to X, to the world you are a 'desperate ass'. In the second case you are 'hung up bastard' to X, to the world you are a 'man of honour'.

What a world... What a life...



A friend mentioned that purely for fun., and it got me thinking. So when was the last time I was drinking., hmm.. yesterday, then.. day before yesterday, then.. the day before the day before yesterday.. Damn. Maybe I should be asking myself a different question., 'when was the last time I was sober'.. Grr.. I'M NOT AN ALCOHOLIC..

But looks like the gods are favouring me. By some miracle., at some point of time., I stopped having hangovers :) Oh yeah., no matter how trashed i am the previous night., I wake up fresh like a baby :) Now., I know all you people are jealous.. hehehe..


walking in circles

Evenings at baywatch., taking strong over-doses of caffeine and nicotine.

Lying on the beach sand gazing the stars.

Beer at breakpoint., watching people play snooker.

Driving pointlessly on deserted roads in the middle of the night.

Sitting on pavements watching traffic go by.


WTF is wrong with me? am I walking in circles?


alcohol.. beach.. guitar

Well., the guitar is the new addition. Bullied a pal of mine to part with his 'first guitar'., and am now making the neighbourhood scream at all the noise. :) Hmm.. still struggling with the flats and minors and majors.. some day.. some day.. :)

Other wise., its the same ol fcked up life.. :-S

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

Silly google..

aaaaaaaaaaaaahhh... google got me again. I moved personal junk out of joesteeve.org just because., google was right on my ass. And., now even this page starts turning up. Hmm., need to get this robots.txt fixed.

Hmm.. changed the posting-name to 'da rodent' and the profile name to just 'Joe'. :) Hmm.. now got to sit back for a week., and see how google responds.


Let the party begin...

Finally., after three completely useless boring friday nights., i had some good fun yesterday night. Thanks to the relief package aka pay-cheque that came right in time to bring me out of the pathetic pauper state that i was in. Anywayz., yesterday.., i got sooo wasted :) (duh!! nothing new).

I could not believe that I was bottled up so much that I was jumping around literally like a monkey. Got warned twice by the bouncer for screaming after the last song. I smiled., and got frowned at (I'm happy i did not get some drink on my face :P). Was sober enough to actually be able to count the number of lines that i had marked on my arm trying to keep count of the number pitchers of beer and whiskey smalls. (Bike&Barrel guys are quite known for absurd non-realistic bills. They once charged three people for 24 pitchers over a span of 3 hrs.) And wow., I did remember which set of markings was for what..:P

Hehehe.. I'm back., I'm sooo back :) And., tonight., I dont have any plans of not getting drunk., yeah again... :P

PS: oh. oh. and that girl that i smiled at., W.O.W.. she was a babe ;)


Not broke., but still broke

Well., yesterday happened to be my payday (gawd bless my bawsss). So., technically i'm not broke., but actually i'm still broke. The damn bank will take atleast two days to get my cheque processed. That means., for another two days., I'll still have to lecher at all the drink while crossing a wine shop.. :-S And., that reminds me of another thing., not a drop of alcohol for nearly three weeks straight. Goodness christ., now that sounds scary.. Just waiting for the damn cheque to get through., I'm gonna get so sloshed.. :P hehe.

Being broke is a weird feeling. You feel so miserably like a pauper :P. Well., ofcourse you are one when you are broke.. but well., I dont remember checking my change when i usually bought a fag., but the 'broke factor' made me do.. I was literally making sure that the guy charged only 3.25 for the Classic Milds instead of the occasional 3.50, coz that wayz you get 3 ciggs in the 10buck. Faaaaaaaaaack... :-S And this other day at the petrol bunk., I was insisting on exactly one litre so that i can use the change with more petty change that i had to get a cigg. :-S

Actually I dont think its bad., coz. things like these mostly dont get so much thinking otherwise. The broke factor actually made me plan stuff like that., and I'm quite happy for myself. But that aint no reason for me to keep my mouth shut without cribbing for the time these fackin bank morons take to clear out one fackin cheque.. Fackerssssssssssssss...

I want my beer damnit.. now.. i say now... :P


'Oh what a wonderful world..'

I've been reading posts by bloggers voicing their experiences for the Blank noise project. These posts have left me in a depressed state. I'm quite disgusted with my own gender. With jerks like this around., I dont think that song in the title makes any sense. Its just a mockery after all the shit the woman goes through. I was a witness to one of these things.

Hmm., on the optimistic side of things.. I see a good business opportunity for personal security gear like 'pepper spray', 'stun guns', 'tasers', etc.. which are not that widely available in India.. :)


I'm broke

Yup.. literally :( Thanks to mom's speech early this month about savings ideas., and my impulse reaction of actually doing something like that. I'm stuck with 234 bucks in the bank :((., and payday is still quite far away (7th). Ok., the world bank (sis's account) is still there., but still not sure whether it is bad enough, to do the begging.. :P

Strike!! Strike!!

This reminded me of the old karunya days :) I've lost count on the number of times we were sent back home because the management was closing down the hostels.

It was before valentines day. I had planned this quick trip to chennai (without my parents knowledge ofcourse) to spend the day with my then-girl. I left college hostel at around 19:00 and was at coimbatore railway station waiting for Cheran express (which comes at 23:00). Suddenly I see all my class mates coming here with their bags packed. They inform me that college has closed "indefinitely" because a strike broke out.. heh. crazy., we had a 2+ month long holiday. So., what was supposed to be a one day trip to chennai turned out to be a looooooong one :)

Strikes do show student power and such., and should exist. But these days the way college strikes are happening is not good. Breaking college property is not the way to do things. If you want to fight oppression, lack of rights, lack of facilities, etc.. you can boycott classes and create noise. But going around breaking computers etc., is not the right way of getting things done. In the end of the day the damage cost will end up in your own bills or in the bills of the subsequent batches. And morover., students who involve in 'strikes' these days have no morals. They are just a bunch of jobless morons creating a ruckus for no good reason. Hmm., I look upon the Karunya students during the 1995 strike as heroes. They suffered to achieve their goals. They did not go around breaking things.

Hmm.. too much influence of politics I guess.



If an Ex is getting married., I know you'd go to show a smiling face to make her feel that she does not matter jack-shit to you anymore. I know you'd go there and be so casual that your frenz think you are cool.. You'll even walk up the podium, shake a hand and congratulate the guy., may be even say 'smart choice' to your ex.. But., deep down inside you., are you really ok? Be true to you., would you be really ok?

Or are you there just out of curiosity to know what she has landed up with? Or are you there to look at her face and see whether she had anything left for you? Or are you there to laugh at her to make her see what she has lost?? Fuck.. the lies we tell ourselves. If you dont go she'll think that you are still hungup and will boost her ego up.. If you do go., you cant help comparing yourself to that guy and you'll be broken hearted.. So., either way you are fucked.

You can go walk around put your head high and act like there is nothing in the world that is pulling you down., that there is nothing to hang your head down in shame.. but deep down inside of you., you know what fcking deep shit you are in. You are lonely., you ask for love., you ask for company.. But still you put a brave face.. heh. What you try to hide, magnified inside you because it is not expressed., it is still there haunting and slowly chewing through you head. Why? Cant you just go on without hiding? Without those people around you getting bothered and start mothering you, pestering with questions you dont want to answer.., you dont want to think about., which you dont want to accept?? Why oh why., should you live in denial every fuckin day.

And wtf am I trying to say.. well., I'm still drunk from yesterday night's whiskey. Need sleep.


'Cresent Sterling'., gawd bless them.

Dont know how many of you chennai people have heard of cresent. After a dozen pitchers of kf lager, and some heavy jumping around at bikes&barrel., you sure would have forgotten the 'eating' part. And just when you start thinking about it., you'd have been presented the bill and would got kicked out of there because it is time for them to close.

Heh :) And where do you find food at 00:00 in chennai?? Go to 'Cresent Sterling' :) Trust me those guys are not paying me for this free advertisement that I'm giving them., though i wont mind making some money..:P I dont know their working hours but today morning at 1:00 they were open (yesterday was a long night). And I hear they are open much later too.. And they make awesome food. Suits the best after all the drink that when into your gullet.

Buisness strategy or whatever shit.. I say., 'gawd bless them' :)


Goa the beer-land

Holiday trip started on 2nd Jan. It was a road trip to goa., with absolutely no schedule. The route was planned as chennai-banglore-manglore-goa. I'm typing the full story on www.joesteeve.org. So., only the abstracts here :) The pictures are coming too :)

:) For nearly a week., I dont remember drinking any plain water :-S First thing that goes into the gullet after brushing in the morning is beer. When ever thirsty., there was beer. After food., again beer. Every street has a bar. One bar guy actually warned me that a region where I was going wont have any bars., and so packed a couple of pints for me.. God bless him.

Three things that I really loved about Goa., cheap-beer, clean beaches., a.w.e.s.o.m.e churches. No., I was not praying.. :) One thing., its so fckin hot, and I've tanned like heck. :(

I spent only 4 days in Goa. Rest in the road-trip to it.. There were some really cool things.. :) Trucks moving like caterpillars on the Western Ghat roads., huuuuuuuuuuuge Shiva at Murugdeshwar, tasted fenny (like toddy, taken from cashewnut fruits), transporting a car across a river in a ferry, crabs biting the feet and slept in a fisherman's hut at om-beach.

Though I had to cut my holiday short and get my a$$ back because of some emergency reasons., on the whole., it was fun :)

Can I kill some of your time?

Ah., this is a quite interesting link. Have fun :) And dont forget to put your comments on http://priyaunwound.blogspot.com/. She is the good lady who pointed me that link .